We have a chance to unite and create a new normal on two fronts.

First, COVID-19 has required a dramatic change in how we interact with one another, for example:

“Thumbs UP” replaces the usual hand shake,
Face masks required when entering most businesses, and
Screening for coughs, fevers and exposure to COVID19 before receiving or providing personal services (i.e., therapeutic massage).

Second, images of police brutality and smartphones capturing unwarranted threats of police violence have sparked ongoing protests and have raised awareness of institutional racism. These have resulted in concrete changes, such as defunding the Minneapolis police department to reimagine how to achieve public safety; creating an ordinance to limit the use of “no-knock” warrants in Louisville, KY and removing Robert E. Lee’s statue in Richmond, VA.

I felt a deep sense of grief after reading a New York Times article about two armed men chasing then killing an unsuspecting, unarmed jogger, Ahmaud Arbery, and later seeing the video of four police officers calmly murdering George Floyd in front of pedestrians.

My grief for these two men extends to the countless, unnamed persons who have been murdered simply because of the color of their skin. They remain unnamed because their deaths are not documented on video or film footage.

Elizabeth Kubler-Ross, MD, proposed five stages of grief in her book, “On Death and Dying.” The stages are denial and isolation, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. The stages aren’t necessarily linear and no one has to go through each stage. You may linger in anger then jump to acceptance. There isn’t a timetable or set pattern for grief.

Recently, I discovered the work of David Kessler while listening to Unlocking Us ( a Brene Brown podcast). Kessler had worked with Kubler-Ross and has become an expert on grief. In November 2019, when the first reported case of COVID-19 appeared in China, Kessler released a new book, Finding Meaning: the Sixth Stage of Grief.

His book adds another stage - finding meaning, not in the death, but in the life that was lived. In terms of precautionary measures required to prevent the spread of COVID 19, he views our society as grieving the world we have lost (e.g., entering stores without wearing a face mask; gathering for sports, concerts, weddings, funerals, parties; shaking hands). During this global pandemic, Kessler offers free group grief support sessions.

As our local area begins to reopen shops and restaurants, be ready to shape the new normal. While taking steps to protect yourself from COVID-19, learn how to spot and stop systemic racism. Add meaning to the unnecessary deaths by putting in place systems to prevent the senseless killing and mistreatment of people of color.

I will continue to work through the grief related to lives lost while looking forward to a new future in which everyone is treated justly and COVID-19 is controlled.

Acknowledging Grief